This is a bluff that is located across Mogollon creek straight across from the house we grew up in. That bluff can be crawled up on from the right side and when you reach the top, you can hang your legs off! That bluff was my place to go ...when I needed to be as close to heaven as I could reach. Many times, I stood on that bluff and reached both hands up to God and asked Him to help me. I am thinking of that bluff this morning as I hear and see all the tributes to Robin Williams.

It makes me think of my own battles with depression that started way back as a child growing up in a home where alcohol created problems. I have shared my story with many through the years and it never ceased to amaze me how people would say...."I had no idea you were ever depressed!" You have so much!

My life alternated between fantastic events and shocking losses. Becoming Miss Rodeo America was the beginning of of a blessed rodeo career that led to my hearts desire to live my life training horses. That part of my life helped me through the losses that life brought my way. Little did I know that every win and highs that followed were temporary.

It was after the sudden loss of my father and later my brother that I realized I was in a battle I did not know how to win. I was pregnant and could not work off my sorrows.

Into the 9th month of my pregnancy I accepted Jesus as my Savior and started a new journey at 33 years of age. God had heard my prayers from the bluff! Along with this acceptance of Christ came a church family that became a part of my life. My daughter was soon born and she turned black and died on her third day. That new church family could be seen in the hospital praying for her little self all hooked up to wires and monitors. I've never felt alone after those 11 days of watching them pray for her until she was released!

Now, I had new tools and a new church family to help with my journey. I would need them many times in the days to come. My mother was killed suddenly in a car wreck and there were other losses such as divorce and death of dreams that came my way.

Depression can come on us in times when we become overwhelmed with circumstances of sorrow or chip away at us with smaller losses and daily tiring things. The bottom line is this: it is a battle that you can win! You can't win it with abusing alcohol or drugs. You can't win it with becoming a workaholic (me). You can't win it by getting a new mate, new horse or becoming a champion.

You can win with the Holy Spirit guiding you into getting help with the right councilors. Reach out to a praying friend that does not gossip. Do not suffer in silence! Pray for God to bring people along side of you that will lift you up! Stay away from negative ones or those who throw scriptures at you expecting you to snap out of it. (Christians can say some stupid things even though they are trying to help) Realize that you must rest and eat right and do your part! God can do the rest if you will let Him!

I am thinking of swinging my legs off my bluff even though it is 1000 miles from me. I will stand up and lift both hands to heaven and ask God to help those who are without hope today! He sent me help and He will do the same for you! Never give up! I can tell you from experience- suicide is not an answer but the beginning of many problems for us who are left behind!